Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
