I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize