I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
