my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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