I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
