Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
