Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
