your thong is hanging out like whoa
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
