Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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