On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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