i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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