i think my mom watched the whole time
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
