Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
