I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
