does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
