let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
