He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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