If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
