Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
