Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We left the knife in your bed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
