my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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