she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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