She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
