the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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