She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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