i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We need to get me chipped asap
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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