i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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