Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
