No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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