So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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