The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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