I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
