I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize