We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
