I will die if light touches me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
oh god was she eating orange peels again
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
