your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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