I'm laying in your front yard are you home
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's always time for handjobs
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
