there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
