the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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