Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
