my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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