Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
did you just send me my own nude
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize