i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
