Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm like, not good at living.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
