just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
