whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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