I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
