3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
