I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
