It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize