dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
