Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
