Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You've changed since you got that strap on
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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