Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
