Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
