so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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