Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
