I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
