just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
