Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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