belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
