I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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