she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
