wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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