i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
