did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
