Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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