How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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